I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
