You just made me feel so damn special
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
