I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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