she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
