I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
