she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
