I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
