Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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