am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
