I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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