smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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