You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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