ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dick very happy bro
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
