I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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