i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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