So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
