Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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