I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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