come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
