i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
