Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
