OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
