i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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