I wish I could punch you in the face.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
