it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
