I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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