so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize