I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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