My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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