Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
