if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
