saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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