i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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