There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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