Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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