She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
