I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
