Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
