Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
