Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize