dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
