I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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