Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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