Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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