Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
