Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
