Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
