Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
