I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
