things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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