It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
BRING THE BAGELS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
