You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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