i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
