It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
