also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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