What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
