Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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