I smell stomach acid.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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