i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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