I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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