hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
