I'm really into asian looking animals
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
