I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i will never coherently bang her
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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