you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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