Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
